Just got home from Club Nana not too long ago.
Definitely a good experience and of course, it made me miss Thailand.

Thailand was a great experience, a great get away.
But ultimately, we all have to live in reality.

I've always wondered if I could ever find happiness.
Especially since, I've always been depressed.. since I was young.

And talking to my family, friends and colleagues have made me discovered,
that happiness is a temporary high. What I should seek, is contentment.

The past few months have been a really trying time for me.
Fighting off these demons in me and basically, holding on for a better day.
It's hard, but ultimately, I hold on while I still can and focus on trying to get better.

Truth is, I have achieved almost every goal that I have set out for myself.
Still, I don't feel content, let alone happy. Why? I still don't know.

There's always something I'm after and I guess what my psychologist
said was right. The expectations that I set for myself, are too high.

I thought hard about it. My parents don't pressurize me about anything,
or tell me how to live my life. All I ever get, is love and support.
But with all the past life experiences, nothing I do is ever enough to redeem myself.

I've been coping well these past few months, faithfully attending my
monthly appointment with both my psychiatrist and psychologist.
I'm slowly trying to get off anti-depressants.. but I end up being
extremely hyperactive and suffer from insomnia when I don't take them :/

Also.. I'm finally having an ultrasound next month and I hope everything goes well.

It's been awhile now.. but I hope that my friends can be true friends
and stop forcefully feeding me with their strong headed opinions.
I appreciate the concern, but I'd like to do things at my own pace.

Although the r/s never meant anything to him, it meant something to me.
Yes, I was at my worse when I was with him, but I was happiest too.
And for that, I owe it to myself to respect the past and let time heal everything.

I don't expect any of you to understand, but this is how I feel.
And a day, a month or maybe even a year, may not be sufficient.
But I will get there..

Xoxo, good night.

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